Well, its been two weeks since he got back. We spent our second wedding anniversary (June 22nd) at the local No. 1 Chinese Buffet. Thanks to Mom for the $20 for that, and the movie we rented (I am #4) before I had to leave because I couldn't afford the $10 to stay with him that night.
He is still in the seedy motel they put him in to start with. Of course, he has to be re-evaluated every week to make sure he still has a place to stay because they want to know that he is looking for a new place, even though he isn't allowed to have a job. And Workforce NY is insisting he apply for jobs in order to keep his food stamps, even though he isn't allowed to hold a job. He is not allowed to be around anyone with a criminal record, unless it is approved, and most of the guys who stay in the motel are there for the same reason.
I quit my job so I could move out there to be with him and help. I am withdrawing part of my 401k to find a place to live. But because the 401k withdrawal takes time, I have spent the last 4 days in Auburn, no gas in my car, food from a local food pantry (I never thought I would have to do that), and two dollars in my pocket. My cats a pissed at me because their food is awful, since I can only afford Aldi's and Alley Cat. My husband only has a prepaid phone, so of course, his minutes ran out two days ago. I barely get to talk to him, and I worry constantly about him getting to his appointments on time, and the people he hangs out with at that motel. I don't trust a one of them.
The check is supposed to come tomorrow. I am hoping I will be able to cash it at Key, through their check cashing service. If not, I have to deposit it in my bank, and I probably won't have money until Wednesday or Thursday, and they might kick him out of the motel Tuesday morning if we can't pay rent. We also need to get phones with unlimited minutes (yesterday), but they cost money too. My electric, cable, and car insurance will be cancelled or shut off in the next week if I don 't pay them. My bank keeps calling me because my account is overdrawn, and I have no money to put in it. For some reason there is some new fee they have implemented. I think it is $5 everyday it is overdrawn. I think I will be doing some screaming about that tomorrow. I might even cancel my bloody account there if they keep pulling this shit.
This is all the shit that has to run through my head while I sit here, writing my resume, applying for work, looking for a place to live out there, with no money to get the place with until it comes. I am tired. And I can't wait to see him again.
Ugh, and stuff.
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Monday, June 13, 2011
The moment of truth has come
I realize that there probably should have been this ecstatically happy post telling you all how stoked I was that my husband is finally coming home. Trust me. I was so happy to hear he would be let go so we could begin our life together.
We didn't even know when he was gonna come home. We found out 2 days before they actually released him to the county of his conviction. But I was thrilled, because I was finally gonna get to spend time alone with my husband and claim my rightful place by his side.
I have never been more disgusted with the way this state has totally fucked him and I over with this goddamned ridiculous law. They only used that trump so they could have a reason to supervise him because he maxed out. There was never going to be any trial. They just wanted a reason to watch him.
Now, he is living in this seedy, nasty motel, wearing a GPS tracking device around his ankle, and his curfew is from 8pm to 8am. He is not to step a foot outside the door of the motel during that time. Shit, if the place was on fire, and he ran out to save his life, they would probably find a reason to violate him. Anyways, to continue this list, He has to write down everything he does when he leaves the motel, including things like the mileage on the car he rode in, how long it took to get there, who he was with, and the reason for going. I am not allowed to spend the night with my own husband unless I rent my own room, so every night this weekend, I slept in the same bed with my mother in law, because I couldn't stay with him.
I have to go on birth control, because they threatened us. If I get pregnant, and he is still not allowed to be around anyone under the age of 18, (that includes his 7 year old son who is DESPERATE to see his father), if we are living together when the child is born, they will take the child away. It's either that or live separately, and he is to have no contact with the infant at all. That basically means we can't even be a family until they decide this shit is over. My womb is under the control of this fucking state, and I have never been convicted of a crime.
And, on top of all that bullshit, the state is gonna sue ME for spousal support because he is receiving benefits from the state because he is considered homeless. Merely a formality, they say. They are the reason he is homeless!!! Because my apartment is a few feet too close to the YMCA, they wouldn't let us reside together unless I could find a suitable place (in less that a month, and I am fucking broke as a joke...don't you just love this economy?), they released him "undomiciled". And they are going to sue me for support, even though I have pretty much been his SOLE source of support for the last 2 and a half fucking years!!!!
You see, I was really looking forward to being able to be free with my husband and have the life we have been looking forward to since his max date last September, and now we have to hurry up and wait some more, and put OUR life off longer because the state wants to supervise someone who isn't even a fucking pedophile!!! He was locked up in that hospital with men who held children at knife point and raped them. Little children.
Tell you what. I feel like I have been raped. The state has violated every little semblance of happiness I have tried to claim with this man, and it continues to get worse by the day!!! Don't I have any rights? We are a family, and we have to continue to wait before we can actually BE a family.
Fuck this shit.
Its lucky that the limited time we spent together this weekend was so much fun! In spite of this milieu, we are still best friends. The only constant in our life together is how much we believe in and strengthen each other. There has never been any doubt between us, only those of others. And it has always kept us strong. We bring out the best in each other. And the more people who see it, the more quickly this will move along.
No matter how much I cry, I know we will get through this. We both do. So, damn the man. They don't know who they are dealing with.
We didn't even know when he was gonna come home. We found out 2 days before they actually released him to the county of his conviction. But I was thrilled, because I was finally gonna get to spend time alone with my husband and claim my rightful place by his side.
I have never been more disgusted with the way this state has totally fucked him and I over with this goddamned ridiculous law. They only used that trump so they could have a reason to supervise him because he maxed out. There was never going to be any trial. They just wanted a reason to watch him.
Now, he is living in this seedy, nasty motel, wearing a GPS tracking device around his ankle, and his curfew is from 8pm to 8am. He is not to step a foot outside the door of the motel during that time. Shit, if the place was on fire, and he ran out to save his life, they would probably find a reason to violate him. Anyways, to continue this list, He has to write down everything he does when he leaves the motel, including things like the mileage on the car he rode in, how long it took to get there, who he was with, and the reason for going. I am not allowed to spend the night with my own husband unless I rent my own room, so every night this weekend, I slept in the same bed with my mother in law, because I couldn't stay with him.
I have to go on birth control, because they threatened us. If I get pregnant, and he is still not allowed to be around anyone under the age of 18, (that includes his 7 year old son who is DESPERATE to see his father), if we are living together when the child is born, they will take the child away. It's either that or live separately, and he is to have no contact with the infant at all. That basically means we can't even be a family until they decide this shit is over. My womb is under the control of this fucking state, and I have never been convicted of a crime.
And, on top of all that bullshit, the state is gonna sue ME for spousal support because he is receiving benefits from the state because he is considered homeless. Merely a formality, they say. They are the reason he is homeless!!! Because my apartment is a few feet too close to the YMCA, they wouldn't let us reside together unless I could find a suitable place (in less that a month, and I am fucking broke as a joke...don't you just love this economy?), they released him "undomiciled". And they are going to sue me for support, even though I have pretty much been his SOLE source of support for the last 2 and a half fucking years!!!!
You see, I was really looking forward to being able to be free with my husband and have the life we have been looking forward to since his max date last September, and now we have to hurry up and wait some more, and put OUR life off longer because the state wants to supervise someone who isn't even a fucking pedophile!!! He was locked up in that hospital with men who held children at knife point and raped them. Little children.
Tell you what. I feel like I have been raped. The state has violated every little semblance of happiness I have tried to claim with this man, and it continues to get worse by the day!!! Don't I have any rights? We are a family, and we have to continue to wait before we can actually BE a family.
Fuck this shit.
Its lucky that the limited time we spent together this weekend was so much fun! In spite of this milieu, we are still best friends. The only constant in our life together is how much we believe in and strengthen each other. There has never been any doubt between us, only those of others. And it has always kept us strong. We bring out the best in each other. And the more people who see it, the more quickly this will move along.
No matter how much I cry, I know we will get through this. We both do. So, damn the man. They don't know who they are dealing with.
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